i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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