nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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