I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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