Duck Duck Cougar?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
