You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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