Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
