Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have feelings that need drinking.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
