i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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