This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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