I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize