If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
