woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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