And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
