If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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