All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
