lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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