This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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