Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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