you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
