dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
