She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
