either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
