Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
