Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
