dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
