Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you had me at cake vodka
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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