Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
