from now on my penis is your penis
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize