My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize