I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
