i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
