dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
