I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize