If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize