She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
