too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize