I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
