hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
