my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
