i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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