Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
