My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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