Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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