Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
