I wish I could teleport
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
