Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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