I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
