I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
