No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
