Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
