I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize