If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
