fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
