The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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