Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
