I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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