3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize