my mouth tastes like poor choices
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
