Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I need a hoe opinion
go on
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
