I want to have your abortion
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
