I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
