Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
