so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
