if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
