good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
