nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
