I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
