when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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