Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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