Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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