This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
