I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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