Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
