i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
