This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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