I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
