Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
sex in a hospital.. check
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
