u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize