i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
