no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize