Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
