went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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