And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
only if we run a train.
done.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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