it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
