You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
