Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
