It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
