Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
